This is the kind of post that I want have on this blog; brutal, honest, and raw. These are my stream of consciousness thoughts after a bad day.
I was a crappy CEO today. I was a bad leader, ineffective at my job, and a jerk to those around me. I pride myself on being a great leader and a great boss. Today I failed. Why? It pretty much comes down to one thing: I was exhausted. I needed a break. So I finally left work at around 5:00pm, and I came home and slept until 9:00pm. I feel better. I’m more rational, and calmer.
So what happened? I’m a new dad, and while I love my little daughter, it’s overwhelming to be a new dad. I don’t have nearly enough time in the day anymore. It’s not that it’s particularly hard to be a dad — it’s just time-consuming. I used to be able to “catch-up” on work in the evenings and weekends. I don’t have time to do that anymore. Yes, it’s hard to be a CEO of a start-up and a new dad.
When I’m tired (exhausted), everything becomes overwhelming. Small tasks become big, and I become very inefficient. I spend just as much time thinking about how overwhelmed I feel as I do actually trying to accomplish tasks. I know that I’m being ineffective, but that doesn’t make it easier. My inbox piles up, and my attitude stinks. That’s how I feel when I am really tired.
As the CEO, I set the tone for the company. I try to do my best everyday, but sometimes I fail. Today was one of those days. Case in point: I had a meeting today about a difficult problem, and I was an asshole the entire meeting. Instead of taking a productive approach that could have led to progress, I spent the entire meeting being defensive and ineffective. To those of you in that meeting today, I’m sorry. You deserve better.
When I’m tired and burnt out, everyone in the office feels my stress. I’m aware of this, and I try to keep to myself. But that’s not how people are used to seeing me act. I know I impact the tone in the office when I feel this way. To everyone in the office who felt the bad vibe today, I’m sorry. You deserve better.
If you’re reading this and feel exhausted, do everyone around you a favor: go to sleep. Sometimes the only solution is sleep. And that’s ok. I’m going to go to bed now so I really get refreshed. Tomorrow is a new day.
